Saturday, 12 November 2011

The things we do….

I went to a class today on Parent-Teen relationship.

It’s a whole day class on how to deal with teenagers.

Why did I go?

Because I struggle at times dealing with Miss 12.

Anna Freud once said that

there’s only 1 stage of life more difficult than being a teenager, being a parent of one.”

That is so true!

I rasa sebab we are both quite similar in nature, tu yang selalu tak ngam.

The Other Half kata sebab we all berdua keras kepala asik nak menang aje, tu yang asik gaduh aje, hehehehe.

I said to The Other Half yang I know I am right so tu yang I sepatutnya menang aje, hahaha….

Yang I heran nya, The Other Half is an only child, pastu tak ramai sedara mara and takde anak2 sedara but he instinctively knows what to say to The Little Misses without it sounding like he’s scolding them.

Yang I pulak, ramai adik beradik, ramai sedara mara but memang selalu say things that sounds as though I’m scolding them.

Itu sebabnya Miss 12 finds it more comfortable confiding in her Dad than me because he knows how to listen and what to say unlike me yang tak pandai mendengarSad smile.

Most of the time, we get on well but every day there’s always something that the girls do that will annoy me and jarang lah tak dengar suara I membebel either pagi or petang or malam.

I know I have to change my behaviour first but itu yang susah nak buat and praktik kan .

To be more patient, be more understanding, be a good listener for a start….

Cakap nak change tu senang lah kan, sape2 boleh cakap……

At least tadi at the class, I know I’m not the only Mum who’s having trouble and not the only Mum who thinks I’m such a bad Mum sometimes.

And I also know that Miss 12 is not acting that way because she wants to make life miserable for me. A lot of other 12 year olds behave that way too, hehehehe.

If only life has manuals and everyone follows the manuals exactly, wouldn’t it be nice…

But life will be quite boring, probably…..

I love them both very much but they certainly cause a lot of grey hairs to appear on my head overnight! hahahahaha….

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Susah nak jaga anak2 ni kan….

23 comments:

kasihredha said...

akak pun pernah mgalami ni semua..anak2 akak lelaki semua...susahnya nak faham mereka..akak selalu rasa akak bukan ibu yang baik.
memang susah unk menjadi ibu mithali :)

MESSYSERABUT said...

sabar ye kak LG. be strong. Allah always with in everythings. :D do smile always.

blu4sky said...

LG, my hub pun the only child and like ur other half..he get along with the kids better than me..mayb becoz he treats the kids like friends that's why the kids find it is easier to talk to him..iyo lerr their dad pun kadang 2x5 gak..joined the kids club..
on the other hand, i think we the mother is acting like a mom rather than friend..we don't want to get hurt or do mistake or we fear for they safety so we ended up bertekak dgn the kids..
i think i need to lossen up a bit..let them make their own mistake and learn..but then again they are my babies..forever my babies..hahaha
alamak dah terbuat satu entry plak :-p

JaSSNaNi said...

hmmmm.. macam2 dugaan nak menjadi seorang ibu yang baik ni.. semuanya datang dari allah.. semoga kita berjaya menempuhnya.. insyaALLAH.. :D

lemongrass said...

Kak kasih,
tu lah kan, saya ni walaupun anak perempuan tp still tak dpt jugak faham perasaan mereka. Kadang2 rasa macam I lah ibu yg paling teruk, kesian kat my girls.

Messyserabut,
sabar tu satu sifat yg I betul2 lacking but hari2 I doa Allah banyakkan kesabaran I, hehehe.

Blu4sky,
heran kan bila our hubbies get along better with the kids compare to us. Padahal sepatutnya Mak lah yg kan lagi in tune with the kids perangai, hehehe.
I pun mcm you jugak, I should let them make their own mistakes, let them be kids and not to expect them to act like adults.
Kita pun mcm tu jugak dulu cuma I slalu terlupa yg I was one just like her.

Nani,
Memang kan, anak ni anugerah Allah but nak didik dia tu yang kadang2 penuh dengan cabaran :-).

Dora Natasha said...

Kak LG,

saya tak kawen lagi, tapi kalo nak dibanding abah and mum, lbh rapat dengan abah.abah sporting sgt. luv him! hehehe...

but now, mum memang macam kawan.dulu je kecik2 garang gilak. tu yang rapat dengan abah.

aperpon sis, anda mesti boleh! :)

msmitchie said...

Mind sharing more on "how to hug a cactus"?

Madam Sooyaree said...

I think it's more of our background kot. I can see my future will be like you, pasal Cik Abe jenis mat kool, I yang baran, hehehe. Anyhow, I am really sure you are not a bad mom, perasaan je kekadang kan :)

Unaizah said...

Like this entry sooooo much! What a relieve to know that there are mothers out there who feel like i do. Saya pun SELALU rasa i'm a bad mother to my kids (especially my first son). Tambah-tambah after marah-marah diorang.

SurayaCoghlan said...

yeah LG, i also the same.I ni lagi lah garang nak mampos, panas baran plak tu.Soon, i must attend class yg u attend tu jugak and do share with us apa yg u belajar.

NBK said...

Salam, on and off kita memang akan rasa macam tu, as if we are not being the best mum, but our intention is clear..tapi clear to us lah, to them sometimes maybe tak paham. Bab membebel pun selalu jugak, cuma i usually apologize to my kids if i 'terlebih' marah..but still i told them..the content is right cuma cara i yang tak sesuai..Yelah bila tengah hangin tu, volume selalunya maximum..

Shereen said...

We hear but we don't listen..I guess that's the problem...also I guess we Asian mother's ni garang nak mapus..hahaha...ala-ala Tiger Mom gitu!Our Mat Salleh husbands ni very laid back..if they are anymore laid-back, they would fall asleep and tak macam kita yang very righteous and nak semua hampir-hampir perfect if not perfect.My son and I pun macam tu jugak...asyik gaduh aje and I siap merajuk-rajuk.Pergi shopping pun I boleh makan hati dengan dia siap with drama nangis-nangis..hahaha.So, do share any tips that you've learnt in the class for other moms yang mengalami nasib yang sama:)Have a nice Sunday.

penDragon said...

K LG, kita serupaaaaaaaaaa......susahnya nk mendidik anak2 yg semakin membesar ni. mmg terpaksa membebel je bagi nasihat...

Zaitun said...

Kak Zai pun bermasaalah dengan anak bongsu selalu aje ada bebelan,kalau kakak dia balik lagi dia buat hal konon kak Zai pilih kasih,mana ada ibu yang tak sayangkan anak.Sebab tu kak Zai selalu antar dia kerumah sepupu dia biar dia rasa rindu dan rasa lebih sayang.

Noir said...

i pun turut heran when my missus yg grew up dengan kelembutan jadi agak garang when my boys were 2 or so. i guess terkadang wanting the best for their children turn mothers into 'monsters'. tapi i never stopped believing that kelembutan yg konsisten will have better outcome. so i had her unlearn and relearn for her to realise the benefits of her parents' nye cara berkomunikasi.

all the best LG!

somuffins said...

LG
Nasib baik juga your grey hair appear kat kepala aje.. kalau kat tempat lain, camana?? hehe..

I guess kita semua mengalami masalah yg lebih kurang sama with our children esp when they have mind of their own. Whateva it is, I suppose the change must firstly come from us either we like or not.

mellymilly said...

salam kak...I dah lama baca your blog tapi baru sekarang rasa nak menyampuk ;) I so feel u...I got 2 teenagers in the house...my son is 14yo, and my daughter just turned 12...memang rasa nak meroyan nak tunggu besar...my grey hair toksah ceritalah....but I feel we mothers has lower patience threshold compared to the fathers who can be more sober at times pasal bila dah penat2 dgn house chores etc tu....mulut ni jadik sgt laser and faster than the brain....although ofcoz it's alasan semata2 and no excuse for me but seriously don't u think so?? ;) I am struggling too....but I agree with u. The change must start with us.

azieazah said...

Takpa. Tu baru dua orang. Yang penting sebagai ibubapa, kita yang kena sabar lebih.

Mommy Lily said...

Risau juga menunggu anak membesar menjadi 12 tahun. sekarang 4 tahun pun dah banyak dramanya hehe..
anyway good luck wth ur girl. :)

sHieRa cAkAp said...

biasa la kak. nk deal dgn ank remaja mmg susah sikit. but i know u're a good mother to Miss 12 and she loves u so much!

lemongrass said...

Dora,
I pun dulu masa kecik2 gaduh dgn Mak jugak but now dah kawan baik, hehehe. So hopefully my daughters pun will be like that one day kan.

msmitchie,
hahahaha...so far we havent got a cactus yet. They are still agreeable to be hugged and kissed.

Sooyaree,
patutnya kita lah kan yg lemah lembut gemalai mcm perempuan melayu terakhir, tapi sebaliknya pulak kan, hahaha.

Unaizah,
I pun rasa mcm you jugak. Malam2 bila nak tidur fikir kenapalah I ni 'jahat' sangat tak baik mcm Mums yg lain. But I know now that I'm not alone, hehehe

Sue,
susah kan jadi mcm kita ni yg garang n panas setiap masa, hehehe. Especially bila tgh PMT, memang nak marah aje manjang!

Dr Nor,
Salam. Tu yg kdg2 rasa as though they did it on purpose trying not to understand us even though for us we've told them clearly enough :-). I pun will usually explain to them why I scolded them and will say sorry kalau silap but too many times, the voice wass raised when it wasnt not necessary. Tu yg buat I rasa mcm not a good Mum aje.

Shereen,
maybe lah kan, we want the kids to be perfect when we ourselves are not perfect (even though we pretend we are perfect all the times, hahaha), tu yg jadikan kita so stressed and highly strung, hehehe. Our hubbies know that they are not perfect so they dont expect their kids to be perfect so their lives are more calm compared to us :-).
Tapi I tak pernah lah ada drama nangis2 masa bershopping, hikhikhik

Pendragon,
tu yang I cuba nak kurangkan snagat2, sifat membebel I. I rasa I ni terlebih mulut sangat2, tu yg suka sangat2 membebel, hahhaa.

Kak Zai,
we all takde sedara mara kat sini so susah sikit lah nak hantar diaorang kemana2, hehehe. But lain anak, lain perangai kan!

Noir,
you are so right there. It is true that consistent kelembutan will yield better results. I know it but sangat susah kadang2 to be lembut when hati tengah geram. I am trying to change though, hopefully I will get there one day. I have to be like your wife, dropping the bad behaviours and relearning the good ones.

Cik Som,
kalau kat tempat lain, habis lah I, muahahaha.
But memang betul kata you, we have to be the first one to change, baru boleh expect other people to change for the better kan.

Mellymilly,
Salam. thanks for reading my blog :-). I think we mothers want our kids to be 'perfect', well behaved, polite and so on. And we want them to get there fast and straight away. Sometimes kita lupa yang diaorang ni masih budak2 and perangai pun tak matang. And they will act like kids :-).
Mulut I pun slalu terlebih laser, cakap first before the brains can think.
As long as we know that we have to make the first change, I think we are heading on the right path kan :-). Good luck to you too!

Kak Azie,
tu yg saya memang sorely lacking lah, kesabaran, hehehe

Mommy Lily,
takpe, ada banyak masa lagi untuk you asah bakat jadi ibu mithali, hehee

Shiera,
I know she loves me and I think she knows that I love her, tu yg kdg2 rasa tension aje bila she doesnt act as though she loves me kan :-).

j.u.l.i.e said...

kak, biasanya anak perempuan sulong ni 'anak bapak', lebih rapat dgn bapak. mcm sy sndiri cthnya, masa kecik2 sy lebih suka berkomunkasi dan minta apa2 dgn abah sy sbb abah lebih sporting, mak sy garang dan sy x suka brcakap atau minta apa2 dgn mak sebab confirm tak akan dpt. Tapi bila dh besar, dah terbalik, sy lebih rapat dan selesa berbual dgn mak.

Kesimpulan, kita x boleh trlalu garang dgn anak, dan x boleh jugak trlalu sporting. Kalau trlalu garang, nti anak2 akan memberontak dan x mustahil jdi makin degil, kalo trlalu sporting pulak, nti anak2 akan pijak kepala kita. Jadi...kena pandai2 la psiko mereka.

Sy belum kawen, tp sy just cakap based on my experience masa sy kecil2 dulu. Hehehe. Sebab sy pnah mengalami situasi mcm tu.

PUTUBAMBU said...

tu baru dua...

cer tgk I yg beranak 4 ni..!
hahaha

pengsan!