Ini N3 luahan hati and it’s meant to be just that. I don’t want people to judge me and start giving me ‘advice’ with their ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude.

I’m not the most patient person and I’m not the best mother nor wife. But occasionally when I remember I do try to give my best to my family :-). Miss 10 has been sick since a few days before coming back here and so far not getting any worse or any better. She’s been coughing quite a lot and it will get worse when she exerts herself. So, at home I’ll try to let her rest as much as possible but I still sent her to school. For the past few days, Miss 5 pulak nya yang has started getting sick with coughs. And with her, some coughing bouts will end up with her throwing up. So now I have 2 sick kids at home with me. It’s just that I don’t know why, for the past few days, I feel so helpless to make them feel better. I’m normally quite good when the kids are sick, I’m not easily fazed and memang jenis yang tak panic lah. I know what to do and what not to do bila diaorang sakit :-). But kali ni entah lah, rasa helpless sangat2 bila dengar diaorang batuk…… :-(.

Maybe sebab H1N1 tengah berleluasa kot so every cough and sniffles, straight away fikir yang bukan2. Tahun lepas, bila budak2 ni kena usual cough and cold masa winter, I biasa2 aje, takde rasa apa2 cos I know they will get better eventually. Kali ni, baru aje diaorang batuk2 I dah start worrying padahal banyak lagi other common cough and cold viruses around, ye tak. Maybe kalau diaorang dapat the cold virus kat sini, I wouldn’t have been that worried kot. Tapi ni dapat kat Malaysia and The Little Misses dah tak immuned to Malaysian viruses, tu yang rasa helpless aje ni, hehehe… I know masa we all balik M’sia haritu, memang a lot of people around us yang tengah batuk2 jugak and the hot weather didn’t really help either! And also maybe I feel responsible kot for them being sick sebab I took them to Malaysia with me instead of just staying here for their July school holidays. Kalau tak balik Malaysia haritu, maybe they wouldn’t have caught this bug kan. There’s too many maybes……

I know you’ll ask, kenapa tak bawak aje gi jumpa doctor. Doctors kat sini are a bit different. Kalau setakat batuk2 aje even dah seminggu, they will just tell you to drink lots of fluids and take plenty of rest. There’s nothing much you can do with the common cold viruses, our bodies will fight the bugs themselves. We just have to make sure the bodies are strong enough to fight it. But I’ll definitely take them to the doctors if their condition worsens or haven’t improved.

But I think I know the real reason behind this feeling of helplessness. I tengah tak boleh solat sekarang so bila tak boleh solat and tak boleh mengaji ni, I feel macam jauh sangat pulak dengan Dia. Rasa macam takde ‘kawan’ nak meluahkan perasaan and nak meminta petunjuk. I know you can do other things when you are having your period but still not the same. But lumrah manusia, masa tengah ditimpa sakit ni lah baru nak ingat lebih2 kat Pencipta kita kan (I’m talking about me, not about anyone else!). Takpe, hopefully very soon I can solat and mengaji balik and make this feeling of helplessness go away..

And the other reason is because The Other Half is away while I’m stuck here with the sick kids! He didn’t have any lectures today so he spent the whole day sightseeing in Sydney and meeting a friend. I tak boleh keluar gi mana2 hari ni sebab The Little Misses are sick. Next time, I’ll ask him to get the early flight home so he can help me kat rumah! I don’t mind looking after the sick Little Misses but I do mind having to do it alone when the other party is out having fun! Maybe I would have felt happier kalau The Other Half had said to me yang he had tried to get on an earlier flight so he could come home and help me but tak dapat. But, he didn’t even offer to do that :-(. But I tau sangat lah my husband tu, memang tak psychic and tak intuitive langsung dengan perasaan bini nya ni. Kalau I tak tell him verbally, memang lah dia tak boleh baca my feelings, hehehe. Mungkin jugak sebab dia tau yang his wife jenis orang yang very independent and can do segalanya myself so tu yang dia tak offer agaknya… Hmmm…… I know, I know…. Banyak pahala jaga orang sakit ni kan kalau buat dengan hati yang redha….. :-).

Enough of the luahan perasaan tu, walaupun a bit depressed, I still masak jugak. Tapi with The Little Misses being sick and not wanting to eat much, lagi lah I takde semangat nak masak ni. Tapi tadi for afternoon tea I made bread sebab I tau Miss 10 suka makan potato bread si Ros Jepun tu dengan kaya. Dia makan lah jugak 2 ketul tadi which was excellent. Miss 5 tengok aje Miss 10 makan, sikit pun dia tak terliur which is a strange thing :-). And for lunch pulak, I made pizza scrolls. I makan 2 biji, Miss 10 makan 1 biji, Miss 5 makan 1 bite aje. Nampak sangat kan di sakit, hehehe…

Pizza scrolls. The dough I guna scone dough and then just sapu pizza sauce, tabur poloni and cheese and gulung then bakar :-).

Potato bread. Kat rumah Ros Jepun tu, macam2 roti you boleh jumpa and semua sedap2 belaka..