We are coping

My family and I are so touched by the doas, Al Fatihahs, prayers and thoughts that have been coming our ways since The Other Half put up the sad news on the blog.
Thank you very much from the bottom of our hearts. At times I still fervently hope and wish that it's just a bad dream and I will wake up from it. But I know it is not to be so. I have accepted the fact that Abah is not with us anymore but it is difficult to get used to that idea.

 Maybe I should explain what happened to him. He went in for a major surgery, to replace 2 of his valves, to repair 1 valve and to undergo triple bypass. He had valvular heart problems for a long time since he was young due to Rheumatic fever. He had been on medications since 6 years ago. The meds helped at first but since last year, his heart had been getting worse. So, we (the family and the surgeon) decided to operate on him so he could have a better quality of life. He wasnt sick though, he was just a bit weak with breathlessness at times. He could still do all his usual daily routines like going to the Masjid at every solat time, drive around to visit his rellies and friends, take Emak everywhere, go to the shops and a lot of other things. That's why we opted yo have the surgery, so he could do more things with his life like going travelling with Emak, coming to visit us in Perth without me being so worried about his heart all the time, spending more time at the masjid and watch his grandchildren grow up.

 Unfortunately, his heart was too weak to cope with the 8-hour long surgery. His heart started bleeding which couldnt be stopped even after a second surgery to fix the bleeds. It was the worst time in my life when the surgeon came to tell us that there was nothing else they could do except pray for a miracle to happen. And the chance of a miracle happening was very slim. My heart just broke there and then knowing that we were going to lose him.

 The last time we chatted and laughed with him was on Thursday night before the surgery. He seemed so happy being surrounded by his children and grandkids and was even able to skype with The Little Misses and The Other Half. We didnt say our goodbyes then because we were hoping to see him laughing and smiling again post op.

 Unfortunately, that wasn't to be the case. Allah loves him more and he died without regaining consciousness. His bleeding was too severe to be stopped. The surgeons tried everything. We whispered our goodbyes and our heartbreaks to him in between the al Fatihahs and Yaasins recited. I hope he was able to hear my whispered goodbyes and love. I also hope he had forgiven all my wrongdoings from birth till now.

 I am so grateful that I was able to be with him this time. Eventhough it was short but I saw the smiles and the happiness on his face on that Thursday night. I will keep those happy memories alive in my heart. He had been a big part of my life for 41+ years. I was hoping he could have been in it longer.....